The theory of sexual scripts: why your sexuality follows a script — and how it rewrites itself

This article is based on a rigorous review of the scientific literature and on my academic research on the flexibility of sexual scripts, conducted within the framework of the development of EDYFLEX, the first French-language scale of dyadic sexual flexibility. You can follow my work on ResearchGate.

Sexual script theory is one of the most influential frameworks in contemporary sexology—and one of the least known to the general public. Formulated by American sociologists John Gagnon and William Simon, it rests on an idea that revolutionized the study of sexuality: our sexual behaviors are not simply the product of a biological drive, but follow learned scripts —patterns that define, most often without our awareness, who initiates, when, where, how, in what order, and what "counts" as successful sex. A sexual script functions like the script of a play: it assigns roles, orders the sequences, and gives meaning to what happens. This theory sheds new light on most of a couple's sexual difficulties: very often, the problem is neither desire, nor the body, nor love—it's the script.

La flexibilité d'une personne prédit non seulement sa propre satisfaction sexuelle, mais aussi celle de son ou sa partenaire. C'est une ressource qui circule dans le couple.

We don't make love "naturally": we're acting out a learned script. The clinical question isn't whether you have a script—everyone does—but whether it's flexible enough to adapt to your life.

Origins and foundations: the break between Simon and Gagnon

Until the 1960s, sexuality was essentially conceived as the expression of a universal biological instinct—a reservoir of drives that society would channel or repress. John Gagnon and William Simon, two sociologists trained at the University of Chicago and formerly with the Kinsey Institute, radically broke with this view. In their seminal work *Sexual Conduct* (1973), and later in their seminal article *Sexual Scripts: Permanence and Change* (1986), they argued that human sexual behavior is learned and socially constructed : sexuality does not stem from an instinct that pre-exists culture; it is shaped by the cognitive and social process of learning desires and roles.

The central concept is borrowed from theatrical vocabulary: the script . A sexual script is a structured cognitive schema that organizes sexual behavior—it assigns each person a role, orders the sequences of interaction temporally, specifies legitimate places and times, and outlines the partners' mutual expectations. This schema fulfills a dual function: it organizes behavior (by providing a framework for action that reduces uncertainty in emotionally charged situations) and it gives meaning to the sensations and emotions that arise in intimacy, making them interpretable within a shared scenario.

The architecture of scripts: three nested levels

Simon and Gagnon proposed an articulation of the sexual script at three levels, whose influences are reciprocal — a modification at one level has repercussions on the others.

The cultural level (macro): society's narratives. These are the major narrative frameworks of sexuality disseminated by the media, education, religion, law, film, and pornography. They collectively define what is sexually conceivable, desirable, and legitimate: who can desire whom, in what ways, and for what purposes. In the West, the dominant cultural narrative remains largely centered on heterosexuality, penetration, and male initiative—even though large-scale surveys attest to a gradual diversification of norms. A telling fact: the French CSF-2023 survey (Inserm/ANRS, 2024) notes that the very definition of what respondents consider "sexual intercourse" still predominantly refers to a scenario involving penetration—proof, on a national scale, of the power of the cultural script.

The interpersonal (meso) level: the couple's script. At this level, cultural scripts are not mechanically reproduced: they are appropriated, adjusted, and sometimes challenged by each couple within the context of their own unique history. It is here that the couple's sexual repertoire is constructed—the initiation rituals ("he's always the one who initiates"), the expected sequences ("if we start, we go all the way"), and the shared meanings attributed to gestures. The interpersonal script is a dynamic compromise, negotiated in the exchanges—explicit or implicit—between the partners.

The intrapsychic (micro) level: the internal script. This is the most personal layer: fantasies, the representation of oneself as a sexual subject, the way one interprets one's own sensations ("if I don't feel anything right away, it's over") and regulates one's emotions in intimate situations. This level internalizes cultural prescriptions and the adjustments made within the couple, while in turn influencing how each person negotiates with their partner.

For the clinician, this architecture has a direct consequence: the cultural level escapes therapeutic intervention, but the interpersonal and intrapsychic levels are precisely those on which therapy can act. This is where sex therapy work takes place.

Rigidity and flexibility: the mechanism that makes a couple tip

All couples have scripts—they're even essential to the functioning of intimacy. What distinguishes trajectories is the degree of malleability of these scripts. This contrast is at the heart of contemporary research.

• The flexible script allows for variation: substitution of sequences, exploration of new registers, redefinition of what "counts" as sexuality. When faced with an obstacle, the couple replaces the blocked sequence with another, and intimacy transforms without interruption.

• The rigid script exclusively defines legitimate sexuality — typically, a single scenario centered on penetration, where everything must proceed "as usual". Faced with the same obstacle, this couple finds themselves at an impasse: if the complete scenario is not possible, then nothing happens.

  
  

But obstacles are inevitable. Sexual pain, erectile dysfunction, asymmetry of desire, postpartum fatigue, medical treatment, menopause, aging: all these events, clinically very different, share one common characteristic—they disrupt routine. Research shows that the ensuing sexual distress generally stems not from the obstacle itself, but from the perceived impossibility of responding to it in another way . Scriptural rigidity is the mechanism by which an ordinary life event transforms into a lasting disruption of sexual health—it is this rigidity that leads to the cycle of avoidance, the cessation of sexual activity (the " Dead Bedroom "), and, more broadly, the progressive disconnection of the couple.

The flexibility of sexual scripts: a rapidly expanding field of research

If rigidity is the mechanism of breakdown, then flexibility in sexual scripts is its adaptive counterpoint—and it has become, in recent years, one of the most dynamic areas of research in sexology. The standard definition is provided by Gauvin and Pukall (2018): the ability to deviate from one's usual sexual routine and to modify one's thoughts and behaviors in response to a sexual problem or challenge. These authors operationalized the concept for the first time in the form of a standardized scale, the SexFlex Scale.

The data accumulated since then paints a remarkable picture: the flexibility of sexual scripts behaves as a cross-sectional predictor of sexual well-being, in clinical contexts that are nevertheless very heterogeneous.

• In the first longitudinal study of long-term couples, Bouchard et al. (2023) show that a person's flexibility predicts not only their own sexual satisfaction but also that of their partner —what the research calls "actor-partner effects." Flexibility is a resource that circulates within the couple.

• In couples facing breast cancer, the survivor's flexibility predicts the sexual satisfaction of both partners (Reese et al., 2025). Comparable results are documented in chronic sexual pain (Gauvin & Pukall, 2018; Hunker, 2025), recovery after prostate surgery (McInnis & Pukall, 2023), and the transition to parenthood (Lévesque et al., 2021).

• Theoretically fascinating result: couples composed of two women exhibit significantly higher levels of flexibility than heterosexual couples (Bouchard et al., 2023) — presumably because, unable to refer to the dominant cultural scenario, they are both obliged and allowed to construct their own repertoire.

This flexibility is also rooted in a solid clinical tradition: that of "flexible coping" in sex therapy, of which the "Good-Enough Sex" model of Metz and McCarthy (2007) is the best known expression — replacing the performance requirement with a realistic criterion of shared satisfaction.

Therapeutic applications: working on the scenario

The immense clinical value of script theory is that it transforms problems experienced as identity inevitabilities ("I am stuck", "we are not compatible") into objects of work: a learned script can be revised.

In concrete terms, sex therapy work on scripts mobilizes several levers.

• Making the script visible : most of the rules that govern a couple's sexuality are implicit. The first task is to make them explicit — to uncover the invisible "shoulds" (it has to be spontaneous, you have to go all the way, you both have to want it at the same time) inherited from the cultural level.

• Softening the cognitive dimension : moving from binary judgment (success/failure) to curiosity—reframing variations in the body and desire as information, not verdicts. This is where understanding responsive desire plays a major liberating role.

• Expanding the behavioral repertoire : moving away from the "one-size-fits-all" approach by reintroducing variation — in intensity, duration, and form — and redefining what constitutes intimacy.

• Integrating the emotional dimension : ceasing to demand of oneself to be perfectly available to allow contact, and learning to bring into intimacy the emotions that are truly present.

• Restoring negotiation : relearning to talk about the script itself — desires, limits, differences in desire — so that the script becomes what it should never have ceased to be: a living co-construction, and not a fixed contract.

This work, which is essentially verbal, cognitive and relational, lends itself particularly well to online consultation, both individually and as a couple.

Conclusion: the scenario is not inevitable

The theory of sexual scripts is over fifty years old, but it has never been more relevant: it offers the most powerful framework for understanding why two couples facing the same challenge—the same illness, the same transition, the same asymmetry of desire—experience such different trajectories. The answer rarely lies in the severity of the obstacle, almost always in the flexibility of the script.

This is the crux of the emerging field surrounding the flexibility of sexual scripts —or erotic flexibility: to transform this adaptability from a personality trait one either possesses or lacks, into a skill that can be assessed, learned, and developed together. Sexual scripts can be rewritten throughout life. The script for your relationship has been written—it can therefore be rewritten.

Sabrina Beloufa, Clinical Psychologist, Couple Therapist & Sexologist, Specialist in erotic flexibility for French speakers worldwide.

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Sources:

Bajos, N., Rahib, D., Lydié, N., and the CSF-2023 team. (November 13, 2024). Context of sexualities in France — First results of the CSF-2023 survey . Inserm / ANRS-MIE / Santé publique France. Retrieved from https://presse.inserm.fr/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/rapp_CSF_web.pdf

Banens, M. (2010). Gagnon and Simon and the theory of sexual scripts. (A critical French-language analysis of the theory.)

Beloufa, S. (2026). Towards a measure of the flexibility of sexual scripts: adaptation and extension of a French-language dyadic sexual flexibility scale — a content validation study . Master's thesis in Sexology, Université Côte d'Azur. (The development of EDYFLEX — available on ResearchGate.)

Bouchard, KN, Stewart, JG, Boyer, SC, Holden, RR, & Pukall, CF (2023). Sexual script flexibility and sexual well-being in long-term couples: A dyadic longitudinal study. The Journal of Sexual Medicine . (The landmark longitudinal study on actor and partner effects.)

Frith, H., & Kitzinger, C. (2001). Reformulating sexual script theory. Theory & Psychology, 11 (2), 209-232. (On the discursive and negotiated dimension of scripts.)

Gagnon, JH, & Simon, W. (1973). Sexual Conduct: The Social Sources of Human Sexuality . Aldine. (The seminal work.)

Gauvin, SEM, & Pukall, CF (2018). The SexFlex Scale: A measure of sexual script flexibility when approaching sexual problems. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44 (4), 382-397. (The reference definition and first measure of flexibility.)

Hunker, K. (2025). The Sexual Script Flexibility Scale – Dyadic (SFS-D). (The first dyadic measure of script flexibility.)

Lévesque, S., et al. (2021). (On the reorganization of sexual scripts during the transition to parenthood.)

Masters, N.T., Casey, E., Wells, E.A., & Morrison, D.M. (2013). Sexual scripts among young heterosexually active men and women: Continuity and change. The Journal of Sex Research, 50 (5), 409-420.

McCarthy, B., & Farr, E. (2012). Strategies and techniques to maintain sexual desire. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 42 , 227-233.

McInnis, MK, & Pukall, CF (2023). (On script flexibility and sexual recovery after prostatectomy.)

Metz, M.E., & McCarthy, B.W. (2007). The "Good-Enough Sex" model for couple sexual satisfaction. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 22 (3), 351-362.

Reese, JB, et al. (2025). (On the actor and partner effects of flexibility after breast cancer.)

Simon, W., & Gagnon, JH (1986). Sexual scripts: Permanence and change. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 15 (2), 97-120. (The programmatic article of the theory.)

Wiederman, MW (2015). Sexual script theory: Past, present, and future. In J. DeLamater & RF Plante (eds.), Handbook of the Sociology of Sexualities (pp. 7-22). Springer. (The contemporary synthesis of the three levels.)

Keywords: Sexual scripts, sexual script theory, Simon and Gagnon, sexual script flexibility, sexual flexibility, erotic flexibility, EDYFLEX, sexual rigidity, sexology, couples therapy, sex therapy