Couples Therapy
You need a specialist
While many psychologists offer couples therapy, few have real training in the field. Couples therapy is a completely different skill set from individual therapy, and requires specific knowledge, honed techniques, and solid experience.
Over the years of my practice, I have taken many courses, especially in the USA, where couples therapy is more recognized and developed, in order to support you in the most effective way.
Do you feel like you're reliving the same arguments over and over again?
Do you feel like when things are going well with your partner, they're going great, but when things are going bad, they're going very bad?
Do you feel easily irritated by your partner because of the resentment that has built up?
Has the romance and connection in your relationship been replaced by distance and frustration?
You rarely talk to each other, at least not meaningfully?
Has a betrayal of trust made you feel like you don't even know your partner anymore?
No matter who you are, it is inevitable that you will experience some problems in your marriage . You could be the kindest, most tolerant, and most patient person on the planet, but you and your partner may still run into problems.
Even the healthiest, strongest relationships have times when partners feel alone, stuck, and when their love seems to have reached its limit. It can be incredibly easy to let the stress of work, kids, and family take a toll on you.
This all adds up to external issues that may not be addressed, like different family dynamics, mental health issues, and unexpected life events.
Couples therapy can help you understand and overcome these problems.
What you will learn in couples therapy
Why is my approach different?
For couples therapy I am trained in the Gottman approach, created by John and Julie Gottman, who are themselves couples therapists and researchers in the field of couple relationships.
The Gottman method is the most effective approach in couples therapy
The Gottman Approach to Couples Therapy was developed from over 40 years of research with over 3,000 couples, and it is designed to provide couples with scientifically proven skills to strengthen their relationships .
Using validated tools and precise observations, this method allows couples therapists to quickly identify destructive communication patterns and harmful relationship dynamics . By understanding the foundations of these interactions, therapists can help couples develop healthy communication skills and strengthen their emotional connection.
Another reason why the Gottman method is considered the most effective in couples therapy is its pragmatic and solution-focused approach . Rather than focusing solely on past problems, this method emphasizes concrete solutions and behaviors to adopt to improve the relationship. Couples learn practical techniques for managing conflict, strengthening intimacy and nurturing their friendship , which promotes positive and lasting development in their relationship.
This promotes a climate of emotional safety where partners feel heard, respected and supported, which is essential for restoring and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
My Areas of Intervention
Here is a list of specific areas in which I work, which are among the most common requests in couples therapy.
Improve communication
Communication improves through active listening, open and authentic expression, thereby strengthening emotional connection and mutual understanding.
Detachment and loss of meaning
In couples therapy when faced with detachment and loss of meaning, the exploration of individual needs, authentic communication and the reaffirmation of common values are encouraged to revive emotional connection and restore the sense of unity.
Conflict management
Conflict management focuses on learning constructive resolution techniques, promoting a climate of emotional security where partners feel heard, respected and supported
Non-Monogamous Relationships
For non-monogamous relationships, the emphasis is on open communication, respecting boundaries and managing emotions, thus promoting mutual understanding and strengthening bonds.
Emotional and physical connection
Emotional and physical connection is encouraged, strengthening the deep bond between partners, promoting intimacy and relational and sexual fulfillment.
Healing from infidelities
To heal from infidelity, the focus is on rebuilding trust, understanding underlying motives, and communicating openly to restore emotional connection and strengthen the relationship.
What are the expectations for couples therapy?
Your first few sessions will be spent discussing what brought you to couples therapy in the first place. Honesty and openness with your partner and the couples therapist are important because you want to grow and make changes with your spouse. Many couples enjoy getting feedback and having a couples therapist who actively listens and is engaged.
Couples sessions may also include meeting with you and your partner individually , especially early in treatment. These one-on-one sessions allow you to share things with your therapist that you might have been hesitant to share in couples therapy. This gives the couples counselor the opportunity to get to know you better individually and help you identify and work on issues and strengthen your strengths.
Couples therapy with the Gottman Method offers tangible results , which can lead to significant improvement in the relationship or a separation on good terms if that proves to be the best option.
Through a thorough understanding of relationship dynamics and learning effective communication techniques, couples can strengthen their emotional connection, improve their mutual understanding, and find constructive solutions to overcome obstacles.
In some cases, despite best efforts in therapy, separation may be the healthiest decision for both partners. However, even then, Gottman therapy aims to facilitate a respectful separation and provide tools for a smooth transition into new chapters of life.
Frequently Asked Questions about Couples Therapy (FAQ)
A question ? Do you want to know a little more about my services? To help you get answers quickly, I have compiled a list of the most frequently asked questions from my patients, complete with comprehensive answers. Can not find what you are looking for ? Contact me, I will be happy to help you.
🎯 1. Why do couples therapy? ➡️ Doing couples therapy provides a safe space to explore relationship challenges, improve communication and strengthen emotional connections. This allows partners to better understand each other, resolve conflicts constructively and rekindle the connection, thus fostering a more fulfilling and lasting relationship. The most common reasons couples seek therapy are problems with communication, sexuality, recurring conflicts, difficulty overcoming stressful events like infidelity or major life transitions, and the desire to rekindle the relationship. intimacy and emotional connection in the relationship.
🎯 2. How does couples therapy work? ➡️ In couples therapy, partners meet with a specialized therapist who facilitates discussions and exercises aimed at identifying relationship problems. The first sessions are generally devoted to understanding and evaluating the problem, during couple sessions, but also individual sessions. Once the problem and expectations are well defined, the therapist will carry out "interventions", this involves putting in place tools and sharing elements of understanding to help the couple overcome their obstacles. The sessions are generally based on the problems encountered in the couple on a daily basis. And focus on expressing emotions openly, resolving conflicts, and learning techniques to better understand each other. It is not only the couple's "problems" that are addressed in therapy, but also their strengths, and how to strengthen them. The therapist guides the process and offers personalized tools to help the couple overcome obstacles and build a more fulfilling relationship.
🎯 3. How long does couples therapy last? ➡️ On average, it takes 8 to 12 sessions for a couple to collect all the tools necessary to improve their situation. But progress can already be seen much earlier! The duration of therapy will depend on 3 things: the type of problem encountered, the frequency of sessions, but above all, the couple's investment. Think of couples therapy like a sport: the more you practice, the more you see your progress. If you only come once a month, and you passively watch your coach do the exercises without getting involved or reproducing them at home, you will not see results.
🎯4. How does couples therapy end? ➡️ My goal as a therapist is to ensure that the couple no longer needs me. So, my criterion for deciding when to end couples therapy is generally the couple's autonomy. When the couple and I observe that they have faced a problematic situation and that they have spontaneously used appropriate tools to get through it (with satisfaction), this means that the couple is beginning to be autonomous. From this moment, we begin a phase of consolidation of what we have learned, while spacing out the sessions more and more. If the couple experiences a "relapse", we study together what skills the couple lacked and we think about how to prevent this from happening again.
🎯 5. Does couples therapy work? ➡️ The Gottman approach is one of those with the best success rates. It is rare that the couple gains absolutely nothing from therapy. At a minimum, it allows the couple to understand what problems they are experiencing and how each contributes to them. The success of couples therapy obviously depends on the skill of the therapist and the method used, but also on the desire of both partners to bring about a change or transformation in themselves and in their lives. If one of the partners does not want to make a change in themselves, the therapist cannot force them to do so. On the other hand, he can reflect with him on his reasons, and help him weigh the pros and cons of maintaining things as they currently are.
🎯 6. Does it also work on video? ➡️ Couples therapy can absolutely be carried out in person, and it is sometimes even necessary when couples are in a long-distance relationship, or if the couple is not very available. Some couples that I follow do not live in France, I have never seen them in person, and they are satisfied with the work done together.
🎯7. We are a homosexual couple, is your approach suitable? ➡️ The Gottman approach is suitable for same-sex or same-gender couples. A significant part of the research on which this method is based was initiated or reproduced on homosexual couples.
🎯 8. We are a couple or a non-monogamous couple, can you help us? ➡️ Yes, it is possible to do therapy in a non-monogamous relationship. Some tools of the Gottman approach are suitable for this, others are not. For these latter situations I use specific tools designed for non-monogamous relationships.
🎯 9. We only want to do one session, is that possible? ➡️ Yes. Some couples do not want to go to therapy, but rather want to answer a question, send a message to their partner, or think about a very specific problem with the help of a professional. In this type of case I simply recommend planning a longer session.
🎯 10. Can I come to couples therapy alone? ➡️ Although couple therapy is designed taking into account the presence of the therapist as a third person who acts as a link between the two partners, it is possible to work alone with the therapist on certain tools. In this case the sessions will be more like a form of "coaching", the therapist "training" the partner present to use the tools with his/her partner when he or she returns home.
🎯 11. We are already separated, can we still do one or a few sessions? ➡️ Couples therapy can help with separation. Whether to understand the reasons for the separation, help accept the situation, or improve communication if, for example, you are now co-parents.
🎯 12. What should I do if my partner does not want to do couples therapy? ➡️ It is very common, even systematic, that one of the spouses is motivated to work on their relationship while the other is not at all. This is not an obstacle to starting work together. You can inform him that doing a first session does not commit you to anything and that you can stop whenever you want. On the other hand, if your partner leans in favor of a separation, he or she is better off turning to discernment counseling to help you explore your options.
