Financial education: passing on values to your children, not just capital
- Sabrina B.
- Aug 20
- 4 min read
For parents who have built their fortunes, one of the greatest prides is being able to offer their children a life of freedom and opportunity. But this pride is often accompanied by a silent anxiety: How can I ensure that my children, who have not known struggle, will understand the value of money and the importance of effort? How can I prevent them from becoming "heirs" in the psychological sense of the term, struggling throughout their lives to find meaning and legitimacy? This challenge is not simply a question of financial management. It is a psychological struggle between two fundamental values: the quest for identity ("being") and the valuing of achievement ("doing"). By understanding these two forces, parents can create a path for their children that honors both their heritage and their own potential.
The myth of the "heir": the trap of the quest for legitimacy
The profile of the heir is not a simple cliché of a spoiled child. It is a complex psychological portrait, marked by a constant struggle to find one's place and worth. For these children, wealth is not the fruit of their labor; it is an inheritance that can weigh heavily on their self-esteem. They ask themselves a nagging question: "Are my accomplishments authentic or simply a product of my privilege?"
This quest for legitimacy is a source of immense psychological suffering. It can manifest as feelings of guilt, "imposter syndrome," or difficulty finding personal purpose, as money has already solved many of the problems most people face. The resulting anxiety is linked to the fear of not living up to the family legacy, of not feeling worthy of one's position.
For a parent, the challenge is therefore not to "protect" them from money, but to help them build a solid identity, a sense of worth that depends not on what they own, but on who they are: their integrity, their compassion, their intelligence, and their passion. It's about cultivating "being" before "doing."
The Self-Made Man's Legacy: The Trap of the "Toxic Money Mentality"
Conversely, parents who built their fortunes on their own have a relationship with money shaped by ambition, discipline, and a strong work ethic. For them, identity is often fused with success , and their wealth is tangible proof of their worth.
While this trajectory is a source of pride, it carries its own risks for raising children. Many develop what wealth psychology calls a "toxic money mentality" : an obsession with hoarding and work that comes at the expense of family time, health, and emotional well-being.
For these parents, the challenge is not to unconsciously transmit this pressure to perform. If the child perceives that their parents' value and love are linked to their success, they may develop intense anxiety, a constant fear of failure, and an inability to rest, reproducing the same pattern as their parents. "Doing" becomes a gilded prison, and the child never learns to value the simple fact of being.
Creating a “Third Culture”: Transmitting Value, Not Capital, Through Financial Education
The real challenge for wealthy parents is to build a family "third culture" that transcends the conflicts between inheritance and work. The goal isn't to erase wealth, but to put it into context, teaching values that can't be bought.
Breaking the taboo of silence: Many wealthy families maintain a taboo of silence around money, leaving children ignorant and feeling incompetent. Talking openly about it helps demystify money and teaches children to see it as a tool, not a taboo.
Teach the meaning of effort: It is crucial to convey the value of work and personal effort. This can be done through example, by showing that life is not without challenges, or by encouraging children to find their own passions and pursue them.
Differentiate the value of money: The most important message to convey is that a person's worth is not measured by their bank account, but by their human qualities: their empathy, honesty, curiosity, and perseverance. It is by valuing "being" that we give children the tools to build solid self-esteem, which will protect them from the quest for legitimacy and the pressure to "do."
Preparing for responsibility: Financial education must be accompanied by education in responsibility. Involving children in family philanthropy or managing a personal budget can help them understand the power of money and the responsibility that comes with it.
Conclusion: A legacy of values, not just money
Wealth is a complex inheritance to manage, not because of the numbers, but because of the psychological dynamics it engenders. The challenge for wealthy parents is not to prevent their children from enjoying their privileges, but to give them the psychological tools to navigate this world with a sense of personal worth and authentic purpose.
The goal is to raise children who, regardless of their heritage, have a strong sense of identity, and who don't define their success solely by what they do, but by who they are.
Keywords: Wealth, Education, Parents, Children, Heir, Self-taught, Values, Psychology
Image credit: Steph Meade , @graphiste.binks
What values do you want to pass on to your children when it comes to money? Do you think your own background (heir or self-made) influences your view of wealth? If you'd like to explore these questions and build a philosophy of life and money for your family, I offer online coaching sessions in Monaco to guide you on this path.
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