Jealousy and Compersion: Two Emotions to Redefine Love
- Sabrina B.
- Sep 2
- 4 min read
Jealousy and its opposite, compersion, are two emotions that our society struggles to reconcile with the romantic ideal. Jealousy is often perceived as a sign of possessiveness, while compersion, the genuine joy of one's partner's happiness with others, remains a little-known concept. Yet these two emotions are not flaws to be hidden, but invitations to redefine the foundations of our relationships. By confronting them, we can move from a love based on control to one founded on trust, communication, and shared fulfillment.
1. Jealousy: beyond the fear of losing, the opportunity to question oneself
In both monogamy and non-monogamy, jealousy is a universal signal that deserves to be listened to, not for the sake of the other person, but for the sake of oneself. Often, jealousy is not a reflection of an external threat, but rather an expression of deep insecurity or an unmet need.
Jealousy Signals : Jealousy can be a warning sign that our secure base is fragile. It can reveal a fear of abandonment, a lack of quality time with our partner, or personal insecurity.
Jealousy as a mirror : Instead of blaming others, jealousy invites us to ask ourselves: "What am I really afraid of? What need is not being met in me?" By deciphering this signal, we can transform jealousy into a force to strengthen our own emotional security.
2. Compersion: a joy that is cultivated and a feeling that is expressed
If jealousy is a fear, compersion is a feeling of joy that stems directly from the other's happiness. Although this term originates from the polyamorous community, the feeling is universal. A parent might feel compersion over their child's success, and a friend might feel compersion over their loved one's joy.
Compersion is proof that love is not a limited resource. It thrives on strong inner security and unwavering trust in the relationship. By celebrating your partner's happiness, you don't deprive yourself of your own joy; on the contrary, you multiply love in the ecosystem of your relationship.
Compersion is the joy one feels at one's partner's fulfillment and happiness with another person. This feeling is not sacrificial altruism, but an emotional experience that is cultivated and developed. It is often described as the antithesis of jealousy. The ability to feel compersion is directly linked to personal security and trust in the relationship. It is nourished by strong inner security and honest, unwavering communication with one's partner.
3. Redefining Love: Lessons from Polyamory for All Couples
Non-monogamous relationships teach us a vital lesson about love: trust is built through clarity, not assumptions. Here are some polyamorous-inspired practices that can help all couples redefine their love:
Intentional communication: Polyamorous couples are required to communicate openly about their fears, needs, and boundaries. This practice can be adopted by monogamous couples: instead of letting jealousy take over, they can use it as an opportunity to strengthen the bond by discussing what they fear.
Boundaries as Safety Tools: In polyamory, boundaries are a way to reassure the secure base. The question isn't, "What have you allowed yourself to do?" but, "What do you need to feel safe?" Monogamous couples can apply this principle by explicitly defining their boundaries, turning jealousy into an opportunity to better understand each other.
Cultivate compersion: By opening yourself to the joy of your partner's fulfillment, you build trust. This proves that love isn't measured by control, but by the ability to celebrate each other's success and happiness.
Jealousy & Compersion: Defining your limits, an act of introspection
But then, how do you know exactly where this red line is, this famous "limit" that must not be crossed? The answer does not lie in a universal formula, but in a process of introspection. The question is not "What is normal for others?", but "What makes me feel safe and respected?" It is by listening to your jealousy not as a judge, but as a messenger, that you will find the answers. It is by doing honest work on your needs that you will be able to communicate them to your partner and transform fear into a deep sense of security.
Conclusion: The Path to Resilient and Conscious Love
Jealousy and compersion are not emotions to be avoided, but rather valuable guides to knowing ourselves better and loving better. By embracing the principles of polyamory, we can redefine our relationships so that they are no longer based on fear, but on trust, communication, and shared joy.
Jealousy is an alarm that tells us that our secure foundation is weakened. It is by deciphering it that we can transform it into a source of strength for ourselves.
Ultimately, it is by daring to face our most complex emotions that we build a love capable of adapting, flourishing and becoming more resilient in the face of the challenges of the modern world.
Keywords: Jealousy, Compersion, Polyamory, Communication, Trust, Redefining Love, Relationship
Image Credit: @Westkast
What has your jealousy already taught you about your real needs? How could you cultivate more compersion in your relationship? If you'd like to explore these questions and build a more conscious and peaceful love life, I offer online coaching sessions from Monaco to guide you on this path.
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