Having a passion that never fades is not a dream.
Many couples dread marriage. They know it's a big commitment that will change the dynamic of their relationship (often for the better), but one of the most common fears is that sexual chemistry won't survive marriage.
We're not talking about the first year, or even the first years of living together. We're talking about 10 or even 15 years later, when you have kids, high-stress jobs, mortgages, and all kinds of things that distract you from the passion you once felt for each other. Especially if you grew up without seeing many gestures of affection from your parents (which is the case for most of us), we think that this is normal, that marriage does not rhyme with a healthy sex life, but rather with everything else.
But that's simply not true!
The passionate kisses, the excitement of light touch, and the desire to be in each other's arms can continue. In fact, the happiest marriages are those where sexual chemistry is strong. Extensive research on couples has shown that yes, sexual chemistry is essential to a happy marriage, but good sex has much more to do with intimate trust, friendship and conversations that create connection. emotional.
The good news is that you don't have to memorize crazy sex positions to keep the flame alive. There are things you can do now in your relationship, and continue to do in your marriage, to ensure your physical chemistry stands the test of time.
Establish rituals
You know those couples who are more like roommates than lovers? Yes, these couples have fallen into a relationship routine, which is something you definitely want to avoid if you want sexual chemistry to last into your old age. Fortunately, there is an antidote to routine: ritual.
Zach Brittle, a therapist, tells us that "rituals also help make your relationship unique." He explains that rituals inject creativity and fun into your relationship, and they can also eliminate questions about sexual intimacy. “The idea of planning or scripting this process may be off-putting,” says Brittle, “but when life gets busy and you're not as free to be spontaneous as you used to be, having an agreement and understanding of how you will experience intimacy can alleviate fear of rejection or confusion about whether one partner is 'in the mood.' Your ritual can simply be to ask each other. Or you may have a code or symbol that represents your desire to make love."
Don't wait until you're married to incorporate rituals into your relationship. If the butterflies fly away, decide on one evening a week for a special date or create a ritual that will make your goodbyes more unique. Tell each other three things you are grateful to the other person for, say a prayer together, or create a small bond that is just the two of you.
Put your partner first
If you want passion and chemistry to stand the test of time, learn to put each other first. At the beginning of a relationship, natural physical chemistry is fostered by the fact that everything is new, exciting and you are totally obsessed with each other. But over time, life gets busy and it can be easier to let your romantic relationship take a back seat.
Scientific research on couples shows that marital satisfaction decreases sharply after the birth of a child. What happens is that suddenly the baby takes first place in the couple's life and the partners don't take the time to maintain their marriage, explains Zach Brittle in an article for the Washington Post. Couples who have healthy sexual chemistry prioritize their relationship. They create a necessary balance in their lives and schedule quality time that doesn't involve their new addition. This requires discipline and good rituals in marriage!
If you're in a relationship, make sure you don't overload yourself to the point where you no longer have quality time together. Put each other first. This relational behavior put into practice will allow you not to take each other for granted once married and to make your love last.